My right elbow has the tingles because, I've discovered, I have a tendency to place more weight on my right elbow than my left when I type. Since I've been continuously typing (and when not typing, weeping softly or surfing the internet looking at pretty pictures of food or apartments) for almost 3 weeks now, the tingles are always there. Always.
Starting next Thursday, when the bar exam ends, I'm going to put some serious time into looking into alternate professions, as I'm pretty sure I have not improved at all and will, in fact, fail the bar. Some ideas I've had so far include doing infomercials for ProActiv or the Magic Bullet, replacing Star Jones on "The View" (I'm hungry, like she is, or at least looks), or taking a job with the National Weather Service naming hurricanes (thanks, Bun, for that suggestion). Of course, this serious undertaking does not begin until I awake from a steak-induced coma and put my thinking pants on (which I am, perhaps stupidly, not wearing right now. Or any pants, for that matter. Believe me? You don't have to believe anything when it's the facts, sir.)
Lastly, let me just remind you of three details that, for my fellow law school grads suffering right now, should take comfort in. First of all, while you're schlubbing into the airplane hangar/gymnasium/auditorium to take this cursed exam next Tuesday wearing oatmeal-crusted sweatpants and your lucky Texas bandana, I will be dressed in a suit. And sneakers. Because apparently, I have to look like Ferris Bueller in order to be even allowed into the Virginia exam. Secondly, while my friends in Texas know exactly which subjects they'll be tested on, the VA bar examiners let us try to guess which of the panoply of topics we might have to know. And that panoply constitutes, by my count, 29 subjects. Yes, 29. Thirdly, I have to take the exam in the only city where the bar is offered: Roanoke. Roanoke, which is 4 hours away by car. Roanoke, which is where I ate passable ribs and mediocre smoked salmon on my way to this city. Roanoke, which will forever be ingrained in my head for the rest of my life as the place where I failed the bar exam.
I miss freedom.
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