I don't know. Maybe it's because it's the holidays. Maybe it's because I'm bored, and so I'm paying more attention to inane detail. Or maybe my three-day overeating illness gave me the psychic ability to call shit.
You heard me. Lately, I have been able to make accurate predictions like it's my job. For example:
1. Matlock plot.
One summer, many moons ago, my sisters and I would watch daytime "Matlock" reruns like it was the best show on television. Call it the "Wings" of my youth, if you will (which, by the way, has been showing on the TVLand channel and has seriously inhibited my ability to accomplish anything over the course of the day). A couple of days after Christmas, the Hallmark channel (yes, I know) was showing an episode while my sisters and I were lounging around, so we decided to watch it. We were making fun of the show, and I was pointing out the obvious inaccuracies that I could see based on my illustrious legal education, such as "Lawyers don't ALL wear light gray suits," "They don't have hot dog stands in courthouses," and "I've never met a deputy named Clive." The plot spoke to us as fellow Asians: a Vietnamese man with a Amerasian stepson was being harassed in a non-Asian friendly fishing village when he murdered the village's bully and resident racist. No joke -- Matlock was very aware of cultural tensions, even in the late-80s/early-90s.
My sisters and I were having a good time making fun of the show and our weird youthful obsession with it when, halfway through the episode, I stood up, pointed at Amy, and said, "It was the prosecutor who murdered the a-hole bigot on his boat. And it's the prosecutor who's the real father of the Amerasian boy!!!"
I don't think I need to go any further except to say -- I was right.
2. Nuts
Angel and I were at Target the other day, and I had originally wanted to get her boyfriend a kitchen torch for Christmas but wasn't able to find one in my price range (under $4.00). I decided to root through their clearance aisle for something that would say, "Hey man, I don't really want to spend money on you, but you brought me a scarf from Scotland so now I'm obligated to." I settled on a bowl of mixed nuts (he loves nuts), complete with a nutcracker. Angel was wary about me buying it. It was marked 50% off, so I examined the nuts carefully (as is my style) and proclaimed that I couldn't be more than $4.00.
The price of Brad's Christmas gift? $3.99.
3. SNOOOOOOP!
My roommates and I received a bottle of Moet & Chandon for Christmas, per the new Snoop song, "Drop it Like It's Hot." It's my favorite guilty pleasure lately, and Amy mocked me when I came home from Christmas singing the slide whistle part of the song. I say that part of the song sounds like the word "Snooooooooop," but Amy said that I was wrong.
Well, this morning on some show on Comedy Central, Snoop was performing "Drop it Like It's Hot," and when it got to that part, he yelled, "What's my name?!!" to which hundreds of fans replied, "SNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"
I mean, really, could even David Copperfield or G.O.B. (from 'Arrested Development') do anything so amazing?
I'm available for parties and corporate events, by the way.
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